
Jeans are my favorite item of clothing next to warm fuzzy slippers. They're also a source of torment. Here's my problem.
As a busty, short, wide-hipped, plus size woman, I'm hard to fit. Jeans are either too long, too baggy in the waist and calves, or too tight in the hips and thighs. They don't, in other words, fit my petite, curvy figure. I only really have luck with
stretch skinny plus size jeans
.
Of course, there are plenty of large size jeans to choose from these days - unlike

when I was growing up. Skip over to the mall and go into the Avenue or J. Jill or Coldwater Creek or Sears or J.C. Penney or Macy's or Fashion Bug Plus or wherever and you'll find jeans in the plus size women's clothing section.

And online it's crazy. Fashionable
low-rise Torrid jeans
, plus Silhouettes and Junonia and Land's End and L. L. Bean and Eddie Bauer and...the list only begins, from major retailers to specialty plus size clothing designers. They all carry jeans because jeans are popular. But oh, the selection. Jeans may exist in large sizes for women. But they're not in any form useful to me. Either they don't fit or I don't like them or the price isn't right (good tailoring comes with a price tag - at Nordstrom, for example).
I admit it, buying denim jeans wouldn't be nearly the problem it is if I weren't so picky about my jeans. Some might even say anal. My hate list for jeans reads like a fussy grandmother's rheumatic complaint list. It comes from a legacy of shopping trips to Lane Bryant when I was a kid. I'd come out of the store with Jordache or Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that were too long and too baggy, and yet all there was to choose from. (Now
Gloria Vanderbilt plus size jeans
actually come in a short size.)

So here's what I
don't want. I don't like fancy stuff. I don't much go for embroidery or sparkly sequins or fringes on my jeans. I don't like bell bottoms--I'm sorry, flare jeans. Bootcut is all right, sometimes...if I plan to wear
boots. But I don't want acid washed jeans, I don't want pre-frayed jeans, I don't want pre-faded

jeans, and I adamantly don't want to have to roll up the bottoms of the jeans. I'm such a jean nazi that I don't even want an elastic waist, not even a three-inch section of elastic waistband in the back. I just want
jeans.
With the exception of one modern style innovation--which I will reveal later--OK, never mind, I'll reveal it now--STRETCH. Lycra. Spandex. Those wonderful little man-made threads that allow full, curvy figures to wiggle into slimline jeans that emphasize every curve. That's my modern weakness.

Other than stretch, though, I want traditional jeans. The cool stuff. I want
Levis plus size jeans
. I want
Lee Jeans
and Wrangler's. The classic styles. The classic colors. Blue. Black. Khaki. Tan. Beige. OK, and brown isn't bad. Purple might be all right. But pink, no. Absolutely not.

I like rugged, classic Western wear jeans. The denim jeans the cowboys used out on the range in the days of the Wild West. Even though I've never in my life set foot on a range, ranch, or anything of the sort, I want those jeans. I want the jeans everyone else who's skinny gets to wear, even if they choose not to.
So what's my solution? I've got one, but it's not dignified. I scour the Internet--yes, I confess I'm that dangerous animal, an online clothes shopper with a credit card--for slim, classic jeans that fit curvy women. That fit petite women. That fit plus size women.
And when I find a pair of jeans that does all three, and has nice, comfy stretch, and is in a cool classic indigo blue, I get them. No, I consume them like so much popcorn. If they're on sale...don't get in front of me; you might get hurt.

So where do I shop? Where do I find these rarified animals, cool jeans that fit curvy women? All over. Land's End, L.L. Bean, Eddie Bauer, J.C. Penney. Some of these places are just awesome for mid-range plus sizes

like me. And even eBay, where I've found gorgeous stretch petite Pierre Cardin jeans for ridiculous sums. I found some absolutely wonderful, perfect, slim-fitting stretch jeans for plus sizes in classic Western styles from Shepler's, on sale for under $20 at the time.
That's what I really love. The classic jeans styles aren't the ones that make you shell out a hundred bucks or more. They're the ones that cost less than a dinner at Applebees. I mean, they're cheap even when normally priced, usually under $30, and at most under $40. I get 'em on sale or at a discount, at $15 a pop, and I feel true pity for the retailer because honestly I'd pay double, even triple, if they only knew my desperation.

And why this post, now? Well, I've recently moved up a size...or two, due to a small addition to the household. (Yes, it's just the first of many grievances I, as a mom, plan to place on Junior's small, unknowing shoulders.) And even though I work at home and barely poke my head outside to be witnessed by human

society, I've begun to realize quality of life would be vastly improved by jeans that fit my plus size petite figure. My husband wouldn't mind it, either, I rather suspect.
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